Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Beware of the phrase: "Hey, smell this!"

Remember this because it might just save your life one day.  Ok, that's probably a bit extreme but you will be much better off not making the same mistakes that I have made in the past.  I was totally ignorant to the fact that those three words could be so detrimental.  So, just trust me and beware of the phrase, "Hey, smell this!"

Those words will be followed by your rollerblader lunging at you and covering your face with an article of clothing, skates, some skate part, or a helmet.  Do not, I repeat whatever you do... do not inhale.  Also, running away is not the best decision.  When you run away, you do protect yourself for a brief moment but in the long run you will agree that this was the dumbest idea ever.  This is because the end result will go something like this... you will run away, be tackled, held down, and the item will be smashed into your face.  The only safe thing for you to do is place your face near the article, taking great care not to inhale and immediately scream, THAT IS SO DAMN NASTY! They will start laughing and believe that you've smelled it because it will be the worst smell ever, trust me!  The whole reason they want you to smell it is because it is the most repulsive, vile, disguisting, ungodly smell on the face of the Earth.

I was unaware that this smell existed.  So, when he said to me, "hey, smell this"  I did.  I am pretty sure I almost blacked out for a moment.  The next time I was on to him.  When he said it, I ran as fast as I could.  Because he ran track and pole vaulted for years there was no escaping him.  This resulted in the scenario that I presented a moment ago when he lept through the air, tackled me, and I was almost suffocated.  Ah, yes.  Now, I use the fake out followed by pretending to vomit.  Works like a charm every time.

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