Friday, August 16, 2013


Ah yes, the RIT dying parties.  Your rollerblader might have discovered the wonder of dying his skates and skate parts.  This can quickly turn into a RIT party.  Dangerous in the fact that you have boiling water, drunken skaters and permanent dye… a lethal mixture... all running loose in your house  So, it is likely that you will experience one of these parties at some point in time.  They will all get together and dye wheels, boots, cuffs, frames etc.  I thought that they bought certain skates because of the color not inspite of the color, but hey… what do I know?  There is a reason that I am only the girlfriend of a rollerblader.  The one that makes sure there is a cheap, enormous stock pot, one whose sole purpose is for the RIT party.

Regardless, what will end up happening is drunken rollerbladers up all night making a royal mess that only they are capable of making.  You will get up in the morning to go to work and find newspaper soaking wet with dye and skate parts on top of this paper.  These things will be stuck to your stove. You may also find your sink or strainer is full of wheels.  In addition to that little mess, you will find RIT dye EVERYWHERE.  I am talking on the floor, all over the counter, the ceiling anywhere you can think of you will find tiny colored spots scattered.  The fun part is, you spend a little bit of time before work doing a some cleaning and feel pretty impressed that with a little bleach you have saved your kitchen.  Just wait.  For the next month you will find the tiniest spots in the most random of places and regardless of how thorough you think you were, there will be more.

Wax and your car

When you think about it, it really goes without saying and is pretty obvious.  However, it's not really something that you think about when you go somewhere, unless you get wet from sitting in the seat. 

It's kind of a guarantee that if your car has been skating there is wax, it's somewhere, it's hiding, and it can be a disaster.  Common sense tells you that when a candle is lit it melts all over everything.  Common sense also tells you that you don't drive around with candles in your car, just know that now it's pretty much a given that it is somewhere.  The problem is that you don't know how much is somewhere and if you find a sliver you might think I got it!  Unbeknownst to you, that sliver just broke off of a much larger piece that's on the opposite side of your car somewhere. 

We've lived in South Carolina and in Florida where your car is 150+ degrees.  My rollerblader is really good about getting the wax out of my car in general but there have been times when its melted into the floor board, on cd's, on my seat belt, in my cup holder... wherever. 

Our friend, Jason K., had a pretty brilliant solution to that problem.  He'd take a huge sheet of paraffin wax, melt it down in a pot, and pour it into paper cups.  That way when they'd go skating they could just peel the top section off the paper cup, use the wax, put it in the cup holder, and pretty much contain the wax melting disaster. 

You can kinda gauge how big of a wax fan your rollerblader is by the candles that go missing in your house.  If you start missing a lot of candles then start checking your car.

Thursday, August 15, 2013

When your car goes on a skate adventure

            If they take your car skating you should be aware of a couple of things. First of all there will most likely be no gas in your car. This is because they probably got home somewhere around 3 to 5am and they are so tired that it completely escapes them that you have to be at work at 8am and you have not left extra time to go get gas.  To be safe just anticipate that this will happen.  Secondly, if your car was the primary car used in the trip out of town and all around town, the smell will be horrific be very careful when you open your trunk or car door because you will be knocked out from the smell.  Also, be aware of the fact that there will be many random items in the car so just do a quick check to be sure.  Learn from my mistakes that have included part of a subway sandwich that had meat, cheese, mayo on it that I was unaware of and left to fester in the heat.  The things that you will learn to care less about are the bags of chips, nuts, or seeds that have exploded everywhere.

If they indeed did get home around 5 and you work at 8 it is quite likely that the seats will be wet.  The best thing I can tell you here is to bring a towel with you so you don't go to work with a wet back and ass and have a garbage bag because subway leftovers that fester in the sun or have been locked up in your car are really rank.  Also, don’t forget to look for wax, it is somewhere and it's going to melt. 

Attempting to take pictures and film

Don't.  Just don't.  That is unless you are one of those people that are great with a camera.  I thought I was because I can take a nice picture, I figured how hard is it to video something, I have two hands and can hold a camera. 

So when he's said I really want some pictures or to get some clips... I eagerly volunteer. What happens is I can't guess what trick he's going to do, if he tells me I nod my head like I have a clue.  He says "ready?" Hell yea I'm ready! I take the picture and without fail it's a picture of him mid air jumping onto the rail.  It's a picture where you can't see his feet.  It's a picture where you can't tell what he's doing.  Or on the very rare occasion it has the potential to be an awesome picture and he falls.  Adjust camera settings, he directs you where to stand, and inevitably you take 80 pictures and 3 are ok. 

The same goes for filming.  If you're really interested in filming for him, it's best if you learn to skate so you can follow the lines and can kinda figure out what he's going to do.  It doesn't work if you try to run alongside them because if you're as graceful as I am, you'll run right into something.  So, generally the commentary that friends would add into my filming are "oh look, he's far away, he's doing something, now there's a close up of his back, he went over something, is now doing something, and... did he fall?"

Age does not matter

Rollerblading is one of those things where age doesn't matter.  Unless you're looking at it from the perspective of people that have had several injuries and banged up their body to the point that they aren't able to skate as much.

I'm talking about how people in general stay within their age groups because people are at similar points of their life and are able to do the same things.  Rollerbladers vary so much in age and a tight crew can consist of people from 15 to mid 30's.  People outside of the rollerblading culture sometimes think why the hell is this 30 year old hanging out with a child.  The answer for a rollerblader is simple, they love to skate and it brings them happiness or they are amazing and they have fun skating together.

I remember being in and then later out of college and going with my rollerblader to pick up some kids that were really nice, fun people that shared a love of rollerblading.  That's all it takes.  We would go meet their parents, they would see that we were responsible people and would take care of their kids, and they'd send us on our way. 

The two drawbacks were when we'd all go to a skate spot that had rails and they were too short to jump on the rail and all attempts to help them launch onto it failed and they'd get pissed and not want to talk to anyone until we went to a spot that they could skate.  The second drawback is when you had to have them home by 10:00 so they could go to school in the morning, they'd all get sucked into a time warp and you return them home by 2:00 am and you felt like you were in as much trouble as they were.


Are you dancing? Having a seizure? What's going on here?

Be prepared because at any moment they will bust out skate maneuvers on the flat ground no matter where you may be at the given time.  They may try to come up with excuses or ignore the fact that you're staring at them like they have lost their mind but they are planning out what tricks they are going to try during their next session. They may appear to be, and cover it up by saying they are dancing poorly but they are me. They don’t even realize it most times, at least I don’t think so because they become oblivious to the outside world when they get lost in their head while thinking about skating and I think their body just naturally follows without realizing.
I've been standing at a hostess booth at a fairly nice restaurant and he's just started doing stalls on the stairs, spinning around like a maniac, or grinding on nothing.  You can try your best to keep them focused but you'll realize you just have to let them get in a few tricks. 
Just try and keep them away from steps or any sort or ledges when you're taking a stroll or trying to have a real conversation with them.  Just lead them away in a different direction.  Also realize that this is almost impossible as being a rollerblader has also made their feet automatically attracted to such things.