Friday, November 8, 2013


Your rollerblader can be and most likely will be one of the most lazy people that you have ever met in some respects.  However, whenever there is anything that involves skating, they are the most motivated individual that you have ever met in your life.  They can be half passed out and if anything to do with another skater or anything to do with skating, you would think that they just had a shot of B12 right to the jugular.  There is no stopping them.  Laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping, it’s their valium.  Skating, the hopes of skating, or the act of skating… it’s their speed!

What happens in a skate day

I have gone with them skating on many occasions.  First, it started by me being really curious about what the hell they do all day long. Then it became somewhat of a necessity when we would go out of town.  So, here it is.  Wake up, watch skate video, go get something to eat, you might have to go pick up someone ~ its pretty much guaranteed they have a video they have never seen or haven’t seen in a while, go to skate spot, get kicked out, go to next skate spot, by this time they have been skating for 2 hours… and you have to pee… to damned bad, you are somewhere in the middle of the ghetto and have no idea where the hell a gas station is… more skating, yes! Gas station to get something to drink and you can pee, skating, someone breaks something so if you are near someone’s house go there to fix it, watch a video, go skate, get something to eat, go to someone’s house to recreate tricks, drink a beer, and watch 2-3 skate video’s. It’s now between 2-3am. So, when it’s a new girlfriend of a rollerblader they get excited about spending the day with them while they are skating, they often ask me if I am going to go with them, my response is after 13 years, I have already done my time.

Always time for skate stuff

Take for example, they spend so many hours watching skate videos, getting their skates ready, changing frame, wheels, bearings… it can take hours for them to be ready to skate.  But when you are going on a skate trip and you take 2 minutes to go pee they act like you have just done something completely horrible.  Are you ready yet?  What’s taking so long?  We need to go now!  Ok, well, I will be waiting in the car.  Why are you bothering to brush your hair or teeth… are you putting on make-up or something? We are just going skating.

Skate video's and porno's

For several reasons skate videos and porno’s are similar.  You find burned versions all over the house.  Sometimes they are in strange places like a drawer in the bureau.  They have some weird names that make you go hmmmm.  They get your rollerblader “pumped”, ready for some crazy action, doing some stupid stuff, there is always really crappy acting unless you’re Rob G and a talking bench. If they are going for something serious it comes out being ridiculous.  You randomly wake up in the middle of the night and your Rollerblader is watching it on the computer with headphones on… Shall I go on?

Movies and TV

Do not be surprised when you are watching a movie or a tv show with a rollerblader and they totally miss the whole plotline of the movie.  This would be due to the fact that the whole time they are fantasizing about the skate spots that they see in the background.  Don’t worry, there might be some lady with an awesome ass, they saw that and took notes, but feel some sense of peace that what they are really fixated on is not the ass that now you’re self conscious and jealous of but more of that rail/ledge in the background!  They are also thinking about the line they could do at that spot… I personally love it when you’re watching a bad ass Kung Fu movie they start talking about how the actor would be such a badass on rollerblades, and then fantasize about that for a while.  I remember being in a movie theater and hearing all my rollerblader’s talk about how much of a bad ass Tony Ja would be on rollerblades and how he would have “killed it”



All of the rollerbladers that I know have a similar lifelong dream...their lifelong dreams always include building a skate park, usually in their back yard. You can be asking them anything and you say, “what do you want?” you could be talking about for dinner and they say “a skate park in my backyard.” Ok, well, that is an exaggeration but out of a group of people the majority wants to have a skate park.  I’ve thought about this a lot because I, for a fleeting moment, thought… this is a great idea.  My rollerblader doesn’t have a lot of time and if he wants to skate, it would be cool if he could go in the backyard for a while and then go to work. 

After deeper contemplation, I am pretty sure that unless your house is sound proof you will pretty much hate this idea with time. They will be skating 24/7 which will be ok because you will know where they are and that they aren’t getting arrested for trespassing but I also think that at some point in your life, you’d want to sleep. 

I don’t know… to everything there are pro’s and con’s but I guess it’s all where you are in your life.  6     years ago, my ass would be out there with a damn hammer and some screws building whatever they hell you guys wanted.

They are salty!

They always taste salty.  It’s very apparent when they are skating and cruise past you and give you a really wet, salty kiss.  It’s one of those things where when you kiss them and they taste like they have just rolled around in salt or just spent the day swimming in the ocean. That would be because of the massive amounts of sweat that they have lost through skating.  If you question this… just look at their hats!  Seriously, don’t tell me you have never noticed that they have a black hat with a weird ass white line zig-zagged around the whole thing!