Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Mystery of Gold Bond

I never fully understood the fascination with Gold Bond powder until a few years after I had been living wih my rollerblader.  Gold Bond is something that occassionally I would find around the house, in skate bags, and in my car and I was genuinely confused but thought better that I don't ask. 

When I would go skating with them, if by some chance someone had Gold Bond, I would see someone pull out a bottle, everyone migrate towards it, form a circle around it, and then stick their hands down their pants.

Why might someone need medicated powder? Or why do they all form a circle around a bottle of powder while they all stick their hands down their pants?  I realize that rollerbladers will do strange things but what the hell is up with that?  I will share with you what I have discovered.  Apparently, when this is applied to a males testicles, it prevents chaffing, keeps them from sticking to their legs, as well as providing what has been referred to as a cool breeze in their pants.  Most recently, Richard said, "It's like listerine for your balls."  I think that about sums it up.

If by chance you meet a rollerblader that has never used Gold Bond and you witness them using it for the first time, it's one of the most hilarious and strangest things that you will ever see.  They look at the bottle confused, put the powder on their hands, stick their hands down their pants, and bust out into a smile almost instantaneously.  If you are curious, it does not work for women the same way.  Don't ask, I would rather not talk about it at this point.

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