Identifying people by their skates

Kinda like when it comes to them giving directions, they identify people by their skates.  Someone will say, “you know John, right?”,  “John? Who’s John?” “He’s the kid with the Valo’s.”  Oh yea, John! He’s sick! I’ve often have been with my Rollerblader in other cities or states and he was chosen to be a judge… Why they don’t choose me is a mystery… I mean come on… who wouldn’t want to hear me scream that was an awesome alley oop left side backslide piss stance? Regardless… when he’s been judging a competition… Where he and another judge aren’t  quite sure of all the people’s names and there has been a sheet of paper where they are taking notes that say black shirt Asian kid with Deshi’s, Black shirt Asian kid with Xsjado’s, white guy with black shirt and Deshi’s.  This is one of the few things I understand because it’s logical and makes sense. 

I used to sell shoes and could look at a person and know what brand of shoes they were wearing and approximately know how much they spent on them, same idea but much more meaningful… If you’re a true girlfriend of a rollerblader.

Don't sit where a rollerblader has been... swamp ass

If your rollerblader, or one of his friends, has been sitting somewhere… don’t sit in that spot.  If you have been sitting on your couch talking to everyone, watching them recreate the days skate tricks or whatever, get up and go to the bathroom, and return to find your seat taken and another one open… Do not sit there!  You seriously are better off sitting on the floor.  The reason for this is when you sit in the open spot, you’ll get wet.  I can not tell you how many times this has happened to me!  While you go pee there is a change of places and if you sit in the open spot, your back and ass will be wet!  Most likely you’ll smell like ass because, let’s face it, their swamp ass leaked all over the place!  I don’t know about you but I’d rather go do laundry, clean the kitchen, or sit my happy ass on the hardwood floor then have someone’s ass sweat all over me.

Slang!

Be ready to hear that your new boyfriend was raped... that means that he fell on the rail and it smashed him in the butthole.  I heard someone scream that my rollerblader “GOT RAPED!”  Excuse me?!? He came wobbling back to me and said, “Ouch! My butthole!” 

 

Since I heard phrases like that… I decided to use my own… My frequently used word has been  “sportfucked”  Yes.  That’s mine!  So when they say, “So and so sportfucked that rail” It means that they did some really awesome trick on it and killed it… They fucked that rail up!  

Jealousy

Jealousy will destroy you!  I could say that you will always lose when it comes to skating but that's not fair and it isn't even about that.  I've heard people say that they don't get to spend enough time with their rollerblader or why is he skating on his day off when we could be together?  Let's think about this for a minute... why would someone go out and do something that makes him feel alive, is part of who he is, and be with his friends doing something that he loves when he could sit at home on his day off and watch tv with you?  Hmmm... I don't know but that seems pretty obvious to me.  I don't hear him bitching about you going and getting your nails done.  Just breath... know that your rollerblader is with you for a reason. They want to be with you but you may never hear that, you probably won't hear that from most men... It's kind of a given.  Also, know you are the most important person to them but rollerblading is the most important thing to them. Once you have acknowledged and accepted that you two will have a happy future.

Video Games

            I would like to clarify something and tell you that it is not only skating and skate related activities that your rollerblader may suffer from a time warp. As far as video games the whole time warp thing applies here as well. Oh and if they lose to you repeatedly they will be very upset. It is possible that they will be a much worse winner than they are as a loser. I have witnessed on several occasions these same people with ADD/ADHD become so addicted to a video game, much like they are towards skating that they will stay up all night and do nothing for days except play the video game until they beat it. After they beat it they might continue to play it simply because they have not gotten everything in the game or they want to get a higher score. This could also be because they are planning on playing this game with one of their friends and they have to be the best.

Quality time

 If they are spending a lot of time with you, this is not only because they are missing you and want to spend time with you. It could mean that in a few days they will be telling you that they are going far away for about 3 days to Kentucky or Chicago and they will return say one and a half weeks later... remember, I warned you about the whole time warp. The time warp can translate into days if they are with skating friends that they have not seen in a while. My rollerblader left to go to Chicago on Thursday night and said he would be home on Sunday night. He came home the next Saturday. I mean there were some extenuating circumstances but without those circumstances he would have been home on Friday night.  Did I happen to mention that we were moving into our new house that weekend?  No worries though, I was spastic but all the Rollerbladers came to the rescue… It’s amazing what free pizza and beer can motivate people to do!

What you don't know... won't hurt you.

            Don’t have light colored sheets. Or make sure that you like to wash sheets frequently. You really would rather not see the blood stains from their day of skating.  Also, be advised of the fact that they could just jump in bed around 3-5am after a full day of sweaty skating.  For Christmas I got nice fancy cream colored sheets. Of course within the first week he had busted his shins open and there were blood stains everywhere. This really grossed me out because we had been sleeping on dark colored sheets for the past 5 ½ years and I really had not thought about it at all. Maybe I had but had pushed it into my subconscious you know to protect myself. With that said I still think that I will go back to my trusty old forest green sheets. You know, out of sight out of mind.