If your rollerblader, or one of his friends, has been
sitting somewhere… don’t sit in that spot.
If you have been sitting on your couch talking to everyone, watching
them recreate the days skate tricks or whatever, get up and go to the bathroom,
and return to find your seat taken and another one open… Do not sit there! You seriously are better off sitting on the
floor. The reason for this is when you
sit in the open spot, you’ll get wet. I
can not tell you how many times this has happened to me! While you go pee there is a change of places
and if you sit in the open spot, your back and ass will be wet! Most likely you’ll smell like ass because,
let’s face it, their swamp ass leaked all over the place! I don’t know about you but I’d rather go do
laundry, clean the kitchen, or sit my happy ass on the hardwood floor then have
someone’s ass sweat all over me.
Friday, November 8, 2013
Slang!
Be ready to hear that your new boyfriend was raped...
that means that he fell on the rail and it smashed him in the butthole. I heard someone scream that my rollerblader “GOT
RAPED!” Excuse me?!? He came wobbling
back to me and said, “Ouch! My butthole!”
Since I heard phrases like that… I decided to use my
own… My frequently used word has been “sportfucked” Yes.
That’s mine! So when they say,
“So and so sportfucked that rail” It means that they did some really awesome
trick on it and killed it… They fucked that rail up!
Jealousy
Jealousy will destroy you! I could say that you will always lose when it comes to skating but that's not fair and it isn't even about that. I've heard people say that they don't get to spend enough time with their rollerblader or why is he skating on his day off when we could be together? Let's think about this for a minute... why would someone go out and do something that makes him feel alive, is part of who he is, and be with his friends doing something that he loves when he could sit at home on his day off and watch tv with you? Hmmm... I don't know but that seems pretty obvious to me. I don't hear him bitching about you going and getting your nails done. Just breath... know that your rollerblader is with you for a
reason. They want to be with you but you may never hear that, you probably won't hear that from most men... It's kind of a given. Also, know you
are the most important person to them but rollerblading is the most important
thing to them. Once you have acknowledged and accepted that you two will have a
happy future.
Video Games
I would like to clarify something and tell you that it is
not only skating and skate related activities that your rollerblader may suffer
from a time warp. As far as video games the whole time warp thing applies here
as well. Oh and if they lose to you repeatedly they will be very upset. It is
possible that they will be a much worse winner than they are as a loser. I have
witnessed on several occasions these same people with ADD/ADHD become so
addicted to a video game, much like they are towards skating that they will
stay up all night and do nothing for days except play the video game until they
beat it. After they beat it they might continue to play it simply because they
have not gotten everything in the game or they want to get a higher score. This
could also be because they are planning on playing this game with one of their
friends and they have to be the best.
Quality time
If they are spending a lot of time with you, this is not
only because they are missing you and want to spend time with you. It could
mean that in a few days they will be telling you that they are going far away
for about 3 days to Kentucky or Chicago and they will return say one and a half
weeks later... remember, I warned you about the whole time warp. The time warp
can translate into days if they are with skating friends that they have not
seen in a while. My rollerblader left to go to Chicago
What you don't know... won't hurt you.
Don’t have light colored sheets. Or make sure that you
like to wash sheets frequently. You really would rather not see the blood
stains from their day of skating. Also,
be advised of the fact that they could just jump in bed around 3-5am after a full day of sweaty
skating. For Christmas I got nice fancy
cream colored sheets. Of course within the first week he had busted his shins
open and there were blood stains everywhere. This really grossed me out because
we had been sleeping on dark colored sheets for the past 5 ½ years and I really
had not thought about it at all. Maybe I had but had pushed it into my
subconscious you know to protect myself. With that said I still think that I
will go back to my trusty old forest green sheets. You know, out of sight out
of mind.
Dirty Hands
This is also a phenomenon that is shared by most
rollerbladers and yet just another thing that I do not understand. Do not be
surprised when your super hygienic boyfriend, not mine, goes out skating for the day, their hands are black or bloody, they come home
and eat something that requires using their hands like pizza, hotdogs, french
fries, or chicken nuggets and then sometime later for some stupid ass reason
they will notice that they have black hands seem a little shocked and will go
and wash them but really what is the point? They have already eaten all that
crap. I mean how can you eat when you have black or bloody hands and not notice
it? That must be the caveman ancestry coming out in them. That is a good point,
there is a lot of times that they may revert back into their original state and
start banging on things...me man you Sheila
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